Oh, the anticipation! The buildup to this debate was like the building excitement of a sexual encounter in the back seat of a car. Then, both candidates passed out.
There was debate, I suppose, in the broadest sense, but if you liked Joe Biden going in, you liked him coming out. If you like Sarah Palin going in, bless your heart, you liked her coming out. If you were undecided going in, I have to wonder where you’ve been. If you’re an undecided voter who votes based on knowledge and policy, you’re taking a good look at Obama and Biden. If you’re an undecided voter who votes for the candidate who most sounds like the parents at a t-ball game in Duluth, you’ll probably be taking a long hard look at McCain and Palin.
But, who could be better qualified to be Vice POTUS than an inexperienced governor who’s just filled to the tippy top with folksy colloquialisms?
Governor Palin walked in and loudly asked, “Can I call you Joe?”
Joe gets right to an attack on the last 8 years. A wise decision, since McCain has never shown that he’s anything but a rubber stamp for Bush/Cheney policies.
Sarah said barometer 57 times, said something about a soccer game, which, I suppose, is where all great policy decisions are made, and then mentioned McCain’s campaign pseudosuspension.
Joe brought up McCain’s ‘fundamentals of the economy are strong’ statement, and how McCain, two hours later, said we have an economic crisis. Sarah replied that when McCain referred to the fundamentals of the economy, he was referring to the American workers. An interesting, and completely false statement. Obviously, he was talking about unemployment and growth of GDP, those metrics of the economy that Republicans love to use to tell us we’re in fine shape. That’s how Republicans gauge our well-being, by economic numbers, not by how we’re doing and how we’re feeling. It’s not about society, it’s about capital.
Sarah is already getting obnoxious with the snippy, homespun talk. “Darn right!”
Joe brings up a story about a guy who can’t afford to fill his gas tank, and Sarah accuses Obama and Biden of supporting tax increases. Now, we can all tell what one of her main talking points will be. The same one Republicans have used to good effect since 1972, even though it is not rooted in fact.
They’ll tax you! Blah.
Then Sarah announces that she won’t answer questions like Joe or Gwen want her to. That’s pretty funny. Of course, she won’t answer questions with anything but the talking points Karl Rove’s disciples have drilled into her head for 5 weeks. When she tries to answer questions, she sounds like Miss Teen South Carolina.
Sarah starts referring to a redistribution of wealth, again, a tired Republican talking point. Then she says government is the problem, and federal health care would be so bad! Golly darn diddly doo!
Joe says that he calls the Obama plan ‘fair’ rather than ‘redistribution’. He says McCain’s health care plan will cause Americans to lose insurance, and enrich insurance companies. That’s a real bridge to nowhere.
Sarah says John’s not two-faced, apparently saying Biden is? That’s weak and gay. Then the lil energy expert announces that she took on oil companies, which is false. Alaska caters to oil companies like few other States, and why wouldn’t they? Oil is big business in Sarah’s Folly…I mean Seward’s Folly.
Sarah also says John hasn’t made a promise he couldn’t keep. It’s a relief to know that the promise of a 100 year occupation of Iraq, the bombing of Iran, and the extinction of North Korea are still attainable.
Sarah then says that the toxic mess on main street is effecting Wall Street. That’s a perfect encapsulation of the Republican position. Main street is causing problems for their buddies on Wall Street. May I recommend extinction for main street?
The folksy stuff has now become appalling, and she sounds like a simpleton.
Sarah wants to talk about energy! Give Sarah what she wants, or she’ll have a big, giggity, giggity hissy fit!
Sarah says climate change is cyclical and human activities don’t cause it.
Joe says that if you can’t understand what causes a problem, you can’t fix it.
Sarah repeats the truly disturbing ‘drill baby drill’ phrase, trying to correct Senator Biden, but she walked right into the trap. Reckless drilling offshore and in wildlife refuges isn’t that appealing to independent voters. Someone recklessly drilled Sarah’s baby, Bristol. If only birth control wasn’t such a horrible sin! They could have had wacky teen sex without consequences! What a tragedy that would have been!
Sarah says that Joe said that offshore drilling rapes the continental shelf. In that case, certainly Sarah would force the shelf to give birth to the oily baby.
Joe’s all like, bah, “Their only answer is oil.” Something like that.
Gwen wants to let in a little culture war. You gotta do something to get Republicans excited about their candidates. Joe says he supports same-sex benefits and whatnot. He says that’s constitutional.
Sarah agrees. That was weird. Oh but then she adds that we’re just headin’ down an ol’ slippery dippery slopey popey, just a hopin’ in one hand and a poopin’ in the other that those fudgepackers and carpet munchers don’t try to redefine marriage!
Joe just says he’s glad that she agrees that there’s no difference between the rights of gay couples and straight couples. That was smooth.
Joe’s glad that Maliki and Bush have adopted the Obama plan rather than the McCain non-plan to pull out of Iraq. Pulling out also reduces the chance of pregnancy, though it’s not completely effective. It still allows you to have happy fun times.
Sarah says that Obama and Biden will just wave the white flag of surrender, which was really a childish remark in its phrasing, and untrue in its content. That should be big news.
They argue for a while about Pakistan, and Sarah accuses Obama of being naïve. I wonder where she got that word and that idea? She seems to be an unapologetic, unoriginal unthinker.
Joe and Barack say Afghanistan is the front in the war on terror. The leader of al Qaeda says it’s Iran. McCain and Palin will go with that invaluable and reliable source. It’s not like the leader of al Qaeda would mislead us. That’s the job of the Bush administration.
Sarah shouted out the phrase, “who hate America!” with a disconcerting pitch and whine.
Joe mentions that John wouldn’t sit down with the Prime Minister of Spain. That was a good point, but only Joe on that stage knew what he was talking about.
Sarah’s so happy that she and Joe both love Israel. I don’t love Israel. I’ve never been there. To me, it’s no different than Scranton or Wasilla. They’re all just places I’ve never been and have no desire to go. Is that too colloquial?
To Sarah, Israel is important because all of her goofy Jesusian apocalyptic fantasies take place there. My fantasies take place mostly at women’s beach volleyball games.
Joe breathed deeply. That’s going to hurt him with voters who are in iron lungs.
The argue about which tactic…or is it strategy?…will work in Afghanistan. Sarah argues rather ineptly, and Joe sighs. Hasn’t he heard that women hate men who sigh? Just ask Al Gore.
Sarah says she’s a Washington outsider. She’s very nearly an Earth outsider. That’s what’s very frightening about her. She doesn’t understand the issues, and she’s raising an army to fight demons in a post-apocalyptic Alaska. I feel somewhat less safe under that foreign policy, even than under the Bush policy, which is at least tempered from its fundamentalist underpinnings by the brutal neocon wing of Dick Cheney.
And that’s the only positive thing you’ll ever hear me say about Dick Cheney…except that he shot a lawyer.
Joe says McCain agrees with Cheney on everything. Sarah says McCain knows how to win a war. He didn’t even win the war he fought in.
Sarah says with a team of mavericks like McCain and Palin, there’s gonna be disagreements, but she’ll keep pushin’ him on ANWR. For some reason, I visualized her pushing him down the stairs. That would hurry the end times.
Sarah again says that people in Wasilla want government outta their way! Then, I shall request that Alaska return all the federal welfare it has received since it became a State, billions and billions of dollars from that unwanted and unwelcome government. Alaska is The Welfare State. Let’s see that on their license plates.
Sarah claims that when she said she didn’t know what the VP did, it was a lame joke. When McCain picked her as his running mate, I thought that was a lame joke. She extols the virtues of the Cheney Doctrine, apparently knowing that one, unlike the Bush Doctrine. Cheney thinks that the office of Vice President is part of the legislative and executive branches. I think that’s crazy talk. Cheney also thinks he’s part of the judicial branch. I think he’s more machine now than man.
Joe says that Barack picked him for his running mate because he has a reputation for disagreeing with people. Joe goes on to say, and I thank Joe for this, that Cheney is dangerous, and that his views of the role of Vice President are bizarre. Joe then points out that the role of the VP is well-defined in Article 1. I guess Joe knows that. Joe always sounds like he knows, even when he’s blowing smoke.
Sarah says some things that sound memorized and then says she’s connected to the heartland. Cheney’s connected to a heart monitor. She adds that her world view is one of unapologetic American exceptionalism. Exceptionalism is an idea that basically means that the constraints of the rest of the world don’t apply to America. That idea as a workable policy died in the early 1990’s. The rise of other countries in the world means that the role of the US is shrinking. That’s the way it is. It’s simple. It’s true. There’s nothing we can do about it. Move on.
Joe got a little choked up when he talked about the car accident that injured his kids and killed his first wife. That was a nice touch. Joe is actually an emotional and interesting guy. It would have behooved him to show more of his personality tonight.
Sarah claims McCain is the ultimate maverick.
Joe produces data that shows McCain is anything but a maverick.
Sarah and her supporters almost certainly think McCain’s maverick status is a matter of faith, and no amount of evidence to the contrary will change their minds.
When Gwen asked the kids if they had to change any of their beliefs in office, Joe said that he had to change his opinion on judges. He now believes that their ideology matters. Duh. That’s one of the most horrifying things about this election. One can only imagine the damage McCain and Palin would assuredly do to the judicial system with their radically right-wing, activist judicial appointments.
Sarah says that she’s never compromised on her principles. That must be some kind of admission that she’s never left her basement. If you’re in government, or really any job, you compromise your principles every day. That’s the way the world works. She sounds a lot like George W. Bush. She talks about being uncompromising and unblinking. She loves Jebus. She is, in my sainted mother’s words, ‘nuttier than a fruitcake.’
Joe told a story about Mike Mansfield, and every story about Mike Mansfield sets my little heart aflutter. With the exception of perhaps 11 people watching the debate, the Mike Mansfield story was ineffective and dated. That’s unfortunate. Mike Mansfield was one of the greatest men who ever graced Washington, DC with his presence.
Sarah says that she like to communicate without the filter of the mainstream media. I don’t know what that means, but I suspect it’s an excuse for her really, really pathetic, meandering appearance with Katie Couric. Katie Couric is just fucking hard core. I don’t know how anyone could survive an interview like that, in which you’re asked questions about the government you want to lead, and the nation you live in. That’s crazy. It was completely unfair of Katie Couric to ask questions. Why couldn’t Couric be more like Sean ‘Infomercial for Brain-dead Conservatives’ Hannity?
Then Sarah says something so bizarre that I spit up some IPA onto my beautiful white t-shirt. She actually says that we have to fight for freedom, or we’ll be telling our children about a time when we were free. What does she think President Obama is going to do to our freedoms?
“I have a follow-up question, Governor Palin.”
“Are you fucking retarded?”
Joe closes with some thoughts about how this election is the most important one ever…just like every election. He brings up the middle class. Then he says that his dad used to tell him that if he got knocked down he should get up again. That’s an effective line, and I suppose that’s why he repeated it just like in his speech at the Democratic National Convention.
In conclusion, I don’t think many minds were changed tonight. Biden was knowledgeable. Palin survived but was clearly not Biden’s equal. Everyone knew that going in. I’m disappointed that he didn’t rip her a new one, but I suppose she would have gotten pregnant if he did.
It was a success for the Democrats in that Biden didn’t do anything stupid, except that loud breathing and sighing. It was a success for the Republicans in that Palin strung her talking points together intelligibly in some cases.
Her bar was extremely low, and she squeezed over it. Biden’s bar was extremely average, and he wiggled over it.
Biden won on policy and knowledge. Palin’s cracker-barrel style probably appealed to the people who were going to vote for McCain anyway.
Biden had the most to lose, and he didn’t.
Advantage: Obama and Biden
Tags: Biden, Bush, Cheney, debate, economy, exceptionalism, fundamentals, Gwen, Ifill, Mansfield, Maverick, McCain, Obama, Palin
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