After much hand-wringing, teeth-gnashing, stomach-churning, heart-palpitating thoughtful consideration of both tickets, the brain trust at Hot Free Press has decided to endorse the Plain-McPain ticket.
Since the Republican and Democratic tickets are very much the same, Hot Free Press, like the bewildering ‘undecided’ voters, had to put a great deal of thought into this decision.
While this may seem to be at odds with some of our philosophical positions, we consider this decision to be in line with our history of endorsing the candidate or candidates most likely to bring about the end times. Fantasy and mythology trump philosophy, and faith trumps logic and evidence in these troubled times, as it should.
In a troubled world, there is no course of action more excogitative than to leverage our collective future on the eons old musings of hermits and schizophrenics, and to base our actions not on the here, now, and demonstrable, but rather on willowy faith-clouds of gods, goddesses, and unbound spirits.
In short, we at Hot Free Press believe that now is not the time for logic, thought, and considered proceedings.
Conversely, this is the time for action, and Plain-McPain is the ticket of reckless action.
Though our think tank agrees with the the Democrats and Osama-bin Biden on many of the issues, we know that the safety of American citizens and the future progress of our country can be better ensured by a doddering warmonger and his young Earth creationist Sancho Panza than by a man who so hates America that he actually knows a college professor who used to be a radical (Unheard of!), and bin Biden, who once ‘plagiarized’ a speech (Aren’t all speeches plagiarized?).
Imagine a speech constructed only of unique and new words and fresh, dynamic syntax. That would be a speech that’s pretty hard to understand, like free jazz. And although it might be quite enjoyable to watch and listen as it unfolded, it’s unlikely that it would convey useful information. It might convey emotions, unless those would have to be new and unplagiarized, too.
And so, as Hot Free Press would like to see America go out as she came in, guns blazing in one hand, bibles blazing in the other, and a thick flagpole rammed up her ass, we formally endorse the ticket of Sarin Plain and J. Sidney McPain.
Tags: Biden, endorse, faith, George F. Will, Hot Free Press, logic, McCain, Obama, Palin, Sancho Panza
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