Brothers, I am tired of listening to your women talk about how you suck at eating pussy. This is important men, so I want you to listen up. I know most of you are fans of having some saucy wench resting her face in your lap and nodding vigorously and who wouldn’t be?
But how many of you are good enough to do it back? I mean really? And out of those who are willing to do it…how many of you have any idea how to navigate the region? Good intentions will only get you so far. You don’t want this to be like those half assed backrubs you get to either A) get laid or B) get one yourself.
Now, I assume as I’m writing this that you’ve got enough game to actually get this female disrobed and have your mug in that general vicinity. So I want you to think of this like the Superbowl. There is the pregame, the actual game, half time and the actual game again and the post game.
Pregame
Don’t be too eager. You have the objective in sight and you both know it’s going to happen, you are in no rush. Start somewhere in the stadium parking lot building the anticipation of the event. Kiss that belly button, the tummy and the thighs. And for the love of god don’t start at one of those points and make a bee line for it like you’re trying to get to the Springs on Mapquest. Take your time. Lick, nibble, nuzzle and get your fucking hands in there and tickle. The more time you take with the build up the more sensitive she will be…not just in her humid little crevasse but over every inch of her flesh.
The Game
Okay, her body language is telling you that your desired level of frustration has been reached. The long sighs, the accidental half moans and the squirming of her ass on whatever surface she’s on are all green lights. Now, should she be so bold as to grab your head and push you in that’s good…but still hold off for 10-15 seconds. It doesn’t sound like much but it can be an eternity in the right situation and this is one of them.
So now either you have chosen the moment or been enough of a sport to allow her to force the issue and you’re at the gate.
DO NOT DIVE RIGHT FOR THE CLIT!
I know what you’re thinking: this is the game and I’m here to play. She wants to feel good (and she will) and I’m a no nonesense mother fucker and I’m going in! But you have to bear in mind that that little marble is a sensitive piece of tissue. It’s basically the same as the head of your cock…capable on graet pleasure and also provoking the most gut wrenching yelps if abused.
So we’re going to start her out with some nice flat tongued licks from bottom to top. Slow at first but low pressure so it’s almost like a big wet tickle. Then over the course of a few moments you can get more creative, bring that tongue to a point and flutter it a bit. Dig it in that pussy a little bit, pry her open (just with the tongue right now) and use your instrument like a miniature cock.
Late comedian Sam Kinnison like to employ the alphabet method. That is to say you start licking the shape of the letters A B C D E F G and I hope to god you know the rest of it because otherwise how are you reading this? Personally, I like to vary the Kinnison method and lick out the sentence “THE QUICK BROWN FOX JUMPED OVER THE LAZY DOG.” This has all the letters of the alphabet in it and will probably stop you from the fatal error of humming the alphabet song to remember what letter is next and starting a really bizarre and awkward fight.
Once you’ve been into this for awhile it’s time to start the bring in some flare. This is the time to bring fingers into it. Now, it’s fairly likely that you may have already been using fingers on her before you went down but that doesn’t matter for these purposes. In this instance you are making the rules and the truly artistic cunnilinguist will wait til now to bring them in again. Slip in one or maybe two depending on how wet you’ve gotten her and now you should move in towards the clit. Again, don’t go right for it but roll your tongue around it, slosh it around in its hood. Flick (with your tongue) put your whole mouth over it and pretend your working a very tender Jolly Rancher.
Half Time
At this point you probably look like a baby who has been fighting his pureed apples. If you’ve been doing the job right (and if you notice her body language which will tell you) you’re sloppy with juice. Take a pause. Slide yourself up her body and work that mouth on her tummy, her breasts, her neck and ears. If you’re wily you xan make a knee or an elbow an incredibly sensuous detour as well. Look her in the eyes, kiss her lips and tell her just how sweet it is down there.
The Second Half
After your layover in other regions of this magnificent sexual being we call woman, a slow seductive slide back to her lap is in order. When you recommence you may choose to resume activities with a few more broad licks to her lips. but since you’ve already established a presence it is all right to go right back to what you were just doing with little cause for concern. Here now, are the little twists and turns that will establish your reputation as a first rate pussy licker and not just some eager paperboy raging for any action at all. The clitoris is basically a tiny cock. So now when you resume your attention you should attempt to encompass just the cylinder of the clit and slide up and down on it just like you want her to do on your dick. But where as she has only the bob, the lick and the suck to work with (including the awkward ball fondling which feels like she’s trying to fish a quarter out of a coin purse) you have a much more sophisticated apparatus to work with.
With any number of fingers inside of her while you work her over you have options to alternate between or work all at once. first, slide a finger in and immediately curl it back. This has the effect of pushing her clit farther out of its hood and allowing more contact with your lips and tongue. I caution you that it is not hard to bruise a clit so be slow in your application of pressure until you determine how rough the attention you can give. Also, farther up the inner wall of her you will find a spongey spot about the size of a quarter, this the the legendary G spot. Apply pressure in a circular motion and you will generate a euphoric warmth that enhances orgasm and will spread all through her abdomen. The more confident of you will discover that it can be worked from the inside and outside at the ame time by working the finger and rubbing her abdomen in about the same spot. When you do it right, you’ll know. (Just an FYI- conditions such as Endometriosis can cause tissue to form over the G-Spot and you may discover limited or no response from this.)
My personal inclination is to not stop until orgasm is achieved. I don’t care what Meg Ryan did in “When Harry Met Sally” when a woman cums she flushed red from top to bottom and if you can’t tell you ain’t trying. You may get the “George Costanza” shoulder tap at some point if you haven’t got it right on the first couple of attempts (for each girl you may be trying this with) in which case…you know…just fuck her brains out.
Now yes, this is an elaborate set of directions and doing all of it as a routine probably won’t work every time. But a few times at least she’ll love that you treated her. What’s important is that you have each of these moves in your pussy eating arsenal and eventually you can switch the order and add or subtract things as your style and her poreferences dictate.
Post Game
Well congratulations, you’ve licked the hell out of that pussy and probably gained a fan. Even if you break up memories of your skill will keep you on the short list for booty calls until she finds some guy to get serious with. But something that gets overlooked and shouldn’t is that her body is still hyper sensitive. Something as simple as stroking her shoulders or wrapping and arm around her and sliding your skin on hers which will again, usually lead to some throw down fucking that will get your ass evicted in a building with thin walls.
Be respectful (unless she likes to be treated like a slut which can be fun too) and after all this finesse remember she still wants you to fuck her like the man you are.
A Few Notes
How do i know all this?
I read.
I experiment.
I have had close relationships with lesbians who wanted me to do well.
And most importantly…I fucking pay attention to the women I am with.
Anyway, that’s the lesson. Please us this more for good than for evil and I’m always happy to share success stories. And as always…Ladies anything to add?
Tags: Instruction, Oral Sex, Orgasm, relationship, Sexuality
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